Before you read this post, you might want to consider that I have been living in the United States, where banking is as easy as reading an online newspaper or purchasing something online. If you don’t then leave right away.

Ok, so I have been in US for 3 and half years now, and I have 5 credit cards and 3 banking accounts, however, in the 3 and a half years I have been here, I have only visited the physical bank location for a measly 2 times. The first one was to open my first bank account and the second time was to update my status.

Now, everything and anything I have to do has been accomplished online, whether it has to do with updating my records, changing my address or anything closely related to banking. Now, my experience with Indian banks hasn’t been the same.

Consider this, a few days back I transferred money online from my Citibank account to an ICICI Bank account, all and good, money is leaving my account so I should be a bit dejected, but better still, I wasn’t. ICICI bank actually reverted back the amount back to my account. Why? Because they fucking needed the person who I was sending money to, to fill up some form, take my blank Cheque, cancel the cheque with void or something and then deliver it to an ICICI bank location physically. And all this for fucking transferring money online to an ICICI bank account, are you fucking kidding me or what?

WTF. If you didn’t think this was WTF in itself, here is something more, you need to do this with every fucking person you want to get your money online from. It does not matter if they live in Timbuktu, you have to fucking ask them to send a cancelled bank cheque so that you can shove it down ICICI banks asses.

Next in line is fucking Citibank, I want to update my PAN card number and for that I have to take my ass to a physical banking location, give them a fucking Xerox copy of my PAN Card and sign it. I agree that people can manipulate PAN card numbers, but like I would give my fucking PAN card to someone to use it just like that, and what does my physical appearance in a bank have to do with authenticating my PAN card? Are they going to fucking cross-check anything? No, all they want is a fucking Xerox copy of my PAN card. So doing that would give them solace, or OH MY FUCKING GOD, give them a chance to steal my identity?

WTF did the Indian Government decide to create a PAN card? So that they could fucking identify people with a GOD DAMN number. Now if I have to show my proof of holding a PAN CARD with a fucking Xerox copy, what is the point of having one? WTF did they put us through the pain of getting a PAN CARD if they still required us to provide them with a Xerox copy and be physically present with it.

I know you might say WTF this is India, but before you say that, let me tell you that I am in the US, here there is something called as Social Security Number or SSN as you call it. For whatever fucking thing I have to do here, like get a new bank account, get a new credit card, get a new loan or whatever that has to do with banking and money, I just have to enter my SSN and I am done with it.

I don’t have to fucking physically present myself in front of someone to prove that this in indeed my fucking being which owns this fucking number the government provided me with to simplify my fucking life to deal with fucking institutions like your fucking bank or fucking money lending agencies.

Oh and in India, you can shove your fucking PAN card down your asses, use it anyways and it would not matter, because that fucking number is useless unless you fucking present a Xerox copy on your fucking ass with the PAN card on it to a fucking bank who has an online portal which does not allow you to transfer your fucking money out of your own fucking free will.

P.S. This was a fucking exercise where I was trying to learn how to use the fuck word in an entire post without sounding weird. And yes this fucking post is half written because I fucking got bored about those fucking banks in India.

P.P.S I did not fucking proofread this post, so give your fucking spellchecker and grammar checker a highly needed fucking break.

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