Keith Dsouza

 

I have been writing nothing else but for my personal self for the last few posts which I never did earlier, its making me feel so odd but I am beginning to get some control back now that I see I am going all wayward. The first thing is to control my instincts for which i found myself a solution which is in the last post.

I don't know the answer to the question I asked above but it seems I am going crazy, crazy about someone who only I know who she is, I should not have been and maybe did a wrong thing and should apologize about it.

But I am sure she does not know and I do not want to risk creating another foolish mistake but I just got carried away with my thougts and began thinking about her in a different way, whoever she is not the real question but I am really sorry is the very answer I may want to tell her someday.

Second thing is to remind myself that I am only fit for software and love for me is like touching mount everest, I have already fallen off the everest 5 years back in a snowstorm that was never expected.

I am going to go to the US to join my parent company soon but am still waiting for the visa process to complete, but now I just want to leave and leave as fast as I can. Nothing's going right and I can't just stop myself from doing things wrong.

I did not want to leave too soon but now I just pray to God that the US embassy people have some heart and work fast enough on my visa till then I'll just sulk in my foolishness.

Now I just want to run away, run away from so many things, run away from myself, run away from my thoughts. I just have been so foolish in past few weeks that I can't find a place to hide, I just want to run away from everything.

I just need to stick to software as that's the only thing I can do right and I will just do that from hence forth. I have been the most foolish, weirdest and biggest jerk on earth.

Too bad I can't kick myself, but thanks for the help I know you would be glad to do that for me.

I am just going crazy and I need to calm down and get back to what I did best work, work and work, atleast that keeps my mind off stupid things i tend to do.

It hurts me a lot but no better way to teach yourself a lesson than to go through pain.

I am making a decision to stop writing anything except for software henceforth and this may well turn to be the last post I may write on my blog too, but I love writing and cannot stop blogging, maybe I will just stop writing about my personal life I am just not very sure about anything now.

 

"One day you asked me which is more important? my life or urs? I said mine and u walked away not knowin that u r my life!"

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin Its early morn
The taxis waitin He's blowin his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

-John Denver, Leaving on a jet plane