I have been writing nothing else but for my personal self for the last few posts which I never did earlier, its making me feel so odd but I am beginning to get some control back now that I see I am going all wayward. The first thing is to control my instincts for which I found myself a solution which you can read in the last post.

 

I don't know the answer to the question I asked above but it seems I am going crazy, crazy about someone. But I am back to my senses now and will try and make the amends for my craziness.I just am so sorry that I got carried away with my thougts and began thinking in a different way.

My thoughts are hitting boulders and I seem to have reached a dead end so I just want to retract and be myself again, maybe I will take up freelancing again which atleast ensured that I didn't have time for myself.

I need to calm down and get back to what I did best work, work and work, atleast that keeps my mind off stupid things i tend to do.

I am going to go to the US to join my parent company soon but am still waiting for the visa process to complete, but now I just want to leave and leave as fast as I can. Nothing's going right and I can't just stop myself from doing things wrong. I just pray to God that the US embassy people have some heart and work fast enough on my visa till then I'll just sulk in my foolishness.

I just want to run away, run away from so many things, run away from myself, run away from my thoughts. I just have been so foolish in past few weeks that I can't find a place to hide, I just want to run away from everything.

Too bad I can't kick myself, but thanks for the help I know you would be glad to do that for me.

It hurts me a lot but no better way to teach yourself a lesson than to go through pain.

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin Its early morn
The taxis waitin He's blowin his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

-John Denver, Leaving on a jet plane